Search
Select a Province


Categories

- Questions & Answers


Improving your childs behaviour

Q: I'm newly married and I have my own four year old boy, first time he has a father figure. My husband is still very strict because he also has three girls 15, 13, 11, but my son has a problem to listen to my husband and me. He cries a lot, about every thing, I'm with out any help and aggression is now one of his father’s problems. Please can you help?

read more


Bad children and their behaviour issues

Q: I am concerned about my 3 year old son he seems to be very frustrated at school when it comes to interacting with other children he can become very ruff in his free play time he understands instructions and has no problem with any of work he does at school however he finds it difficult to stay seated and rushes activities at school. I was assessed when I was about 10 and was found to have learning difficulties. I have tried different ways to correct his behavior and I have not had good results I would really hope to fine a tactic that works. We have recently had some tragedy in are family however he has started biting at school and after speaking to a friend who works at a special needs school she said it would not hurt to get your opinion .

read more


Stopping back chat and disrespectful behaviour

Q: My son is 3years old, and it feels like I can’t cope anymore! He won’t listen to me, he always talks back, He wont accept orders, previously We struggled with aggression at his pre school, but that issue seems better, he won't even give in to a hiding, I can hit him it does nothing to him, and it is as if He has to have the last say on everything If you say yes, he will say no, and then the other way around, it looks like he always wants to be the opposite, We do have a good sleeping routine going on for a while now, He also eats very good. I am just getting frustrated with this talking back, and sometimes he will slap me, Then I will give him a good hiding, I don't want to hit him, but he is making MY life difficult at this moment, I normally don't have a lot of patience, I am really struggling at this moment. How can I get my child to listen to me, without being physical?

read more


Adjusting to pre-school

Q: It's my son's (3.5yrs) first week in creche and his mornings have turned into tantrums to not go creche. It takes a toll on the nerves and the Principal says I'm babying him when I carry him into creche. I just want him to feel secure and calm but at the same would like to know what other approach I could use so that we are both calm and happy when we leave each other instead of the teacher 'pulling' him away from my arms with him screaming. I have been told to give him 2 weeks and it would be over but need a solution now!! Please help!!'

read more


Protecting your child's emotions

Q: I have a straight forward question. My son is 5 and will be seeing a paediatrician for a possible behaviour problem (not participating at school). Should he be listening to my conversation with the doctor?

read more


Severe temper tantrums

Q: My daughter was born prematurely at 26 weeks. She was in hospital for close to 3 months. As expected from the discussions with doctors when she was born she was a bit behind in her development: crawling, walking, etc. She is now 2 years and 5 months old and we have observed some signs which make us worried. Her mood changes very rapidly, she throws huge tantrums and bangs her head on the floor, walls, furniture, etc. Most of the time when you reprimand her for something wrong that she is doing, she simply looks at you and continues doing it, until you pull her away or give her a light smack on the hand, at which point she throws a tantrum. Over the past week, she has not been sleeping well. She wakes up at night and starts crying for no apparent reason. We have tried various ways to pacify her and put her back to sleep but nothing seems to help. It is only when you take her out of her cot and onto our bed that she immediately stops crying (we did this for about 3 days). Last night we tried something different: I lay her down on her cot and stood over her, telling her firmly to lie down each time she tried to wake up. She eventually fell asleep after about 30 minutes. We are very worried, we would like some advice on how to deal with these problems.

read more


Identifying bullying behaviour in your child

Q: I'm a little concerned about my five and a half year old son. The last 3 days there have been some unpleasant incidents at school. Two days in a row he was caught spitting at another little boy and yesterday he told two little boys to "P@#* off!". This is very unusual behaviour for him, he is normally a polite, even quiet little boy. He won't expand on the spitting incidents but told me that the two little boys he swore at were laughing at him. He has apologised for the behaviour and knows that it is wrong. How should I handle this situation?

read more


Child telling lies

Q: My four year old has been taking toys from other children at school and putting it into his bag. When confronted he denies taking anything and yet we find the toy in his bag. He lies to us and say that he did not take anything or that it was a mistake. We don't know how to deal with this or what to do. Please help.

read more


Lack of concentration in kids

Q: My daughter is 3 turning 4 in April. I have noticed at her swimming class last night, when they have to stand in a line to wait there turn to jump in, she will skip up and down the side of the pool saying hey mom check me out, but when the teacher calls her she jumps to attention and is ready to take her turn. I am not sure if she has a problem with concentration, boredom, or just naughtiness, because she has no problem sitting and colouring in, or cutting out pictures. She even sat and completed her own mosaic butterfly the other day. What worried me is it disturbs the other children. I am not sure about school as I have not had feedback from her teacher. What can I do to help her out or should I take her to a professional for an evaluation.

read more


Children self stimulation behaviour

Q:

Firstly, thanks for the wonderful and informative articles. I have a daughter (aged 7, gr. 2) whom since the day she could sit (around 6mnths age) rubs herself on the floor and then later as she grew older, would sit on the corner of a chair and do the same. She is a very sensitive child, and I've always been concerned about her emotional maturity (especially when it came to making a decision regarding school readiness - as she only has her birthday end of Nov).

I had her assessed in gr. R by an educational psychologist whom agreed that emotionally she was a bit young, but she encouraged me to send her to Gr. 1 as she did well academically, and she believed that she will soon catch up in emotional terms. This has happened to a large extent. Wrt to the "rubbing/stimulating" of herself, she told me that she did not believe it to be anything sexually, but something akin to a security blanket or sucking her thumb. In gr. 1 the teacher told me that she was doing this in class, and although it seems to me that it is becoming less, I have seen her doing this while doing art at school (which she loves), and also sometimes while sitting in front of the computer playing a game.

She was in therapy with the psychologist for about 6 months after which she said she didn't think it was necessary to continue. Most of the time when I catch my daughter doing this I try to distract her or just tell her to sit correctly. I have told her that this habit of hers is not acceptable public behaviour (she admitted that she still does this in class) and I told her that I am concerned that she might be ridiculed in class at some point (especially now that she and her peers are moving into the pre-teen phase). Although very sensitive and highly emotional, she is a very popular little girl, she still does well in school (although she is a perfectionist) and we have a stable and loving home environment; I must admit that I am not sure how I am going to get her to stop this behaviour, without making too much of an issue about it, which I know will only make it worse, and without her thinking that sexual activity is bad. She knows the basics of sex, but I don't know whether I should tell her that her behaviour constitutes sexual behaviour ... kindly advise.

read more


Out of control behaviour in children

Q: I am 31 and have got 2 girls (8 & 7) and 1 boy (3). I am single mother and not coping with my girls, no matter what I promise (good or bad) I do not get cooperation from them. Am I expecting too much? My son has vicious temper tantrums, he starts throwing things around, throws himself on the floor, when I put him in his room he does not stop crying at all (like 1 hr crying, non stop). He's very jealous, he screams at me and no matter what technique I try, it doesn't work. I do not know how to handle this. I hope you've got some good advice.

read more


How to stop thumb sucking

Q: My granddaughter will be 6 in February 2009 and still sucking her thumb: I need help and advice please.

read more


Handling an independent toddler

Q: My little one is now 3 and she is a loving, happy and enthusiastic child with a strong personality. Every now and again she seems to go though a bad stage where she will run away from you in shops, sneak out the class room and her teacher wont be able to find her. When you say no she will look me in the eye say mommy don't worry and carry on doing exactly as she pleases. I am really worried is this just a stage or should I take her to some body like you. Is it something I am doing wrong, could it be her diet.

read more


Anger problems in children

Q: My 10 year old girl cut her bedroom curtains with a pair of scissors. I discovered this morning. I asked her why she did that, she said that she was angry. She is a very strong willed child and hates to be told what to do. Do you think there is an underlying problem?. If yes where do I go for help.

read more


Dealing with tantrums

Q:

I really need advice!!! I have two sons (the oldest is 6 years and 6 months, and the youngest is 8 months). The baby is a breeze!! My oldest, as a baby, was very sick, and has recently had a tonsil operation (after which I thought he would eat better... which hasn't happened).

He cries about everything. There isn't a thing in his little life that hasn't been an issue. Brushing his teeth is an issue, getting dressed is an issue, when his dad goes to work, it's an issue (he doesn't want anything to do with me)... which for me is naturally very bad. I'm with my children 24/7 and am also the person who has taught them everything they know. I am very despondent. I don't know how to stop the never-ending, uncontrolled crying. It also upsets his brother.

He is still throwing tantrums... and I thought it would have been better by now.

He sleeps extremely badly... I don't manage to get him to sleep before 10:00 every night, and then he wakes up in the middle of the night, hysterical, and then climbs in our bed. He sometimes sleeps well afterwards, but other evenings I have to move to a totally different area to sleep.

Is there something I'm overlooking? And after all that: How do I determine if he's getting enough stimulation?

read more


Child shows regressive behaviour

Q: I have a 3 year old daughter Jordan who gave up her dummy when she 27 months old. I then gave birth to baby girl (Lindsey)in September and about a month later Jordan started taking Lindsey dummies. I would take the dummies from her then she would suck her thumb. I have put her into crèche and she still insist on sucking her dummy. She has misplaced her dummies this week and I have decided not to give it back to her. She is sucking her thumb and I do not know what to do? She I give her back her dummy or should I leave her to suck her thumb. Confused

read more


A child with anxiety disorders

Q: My 8 year old daughter suffers from anxiety with regards to her schooling. She stresses about little things which cause her not to sleep peacefully, or only when on my floor next to my bed. She has just entered Grade 3 and is in a government school with 40 children in her class. Academically she is coping but gets very anxious that the teacher will shout at her etc. She is very strong willed and bossy towards her 4 year old sister, but is a very caring and mature child. We have talked about her anxiety and she can't really identify why she feels like she does. I was wondering if I should take her to a child psychologist or play therapist to help her with her anxiety. I have put her on tissue salts no 6,9 and 10 to help with her anxiety.

read more


Feeling isolated and insecure at home

Q: I have a 1 year old son and a 5 year old daughter (turning 6 in May 2008). She is currently doing grade R in the pre-school she has been attending for the last 3 years. When the baby was born last year, she was a bit jealous but she received a lot of attention from myself and her grandparents and I thought she was all right. However, during the last few weeks I have noticed that she is very defiant and bratty towards myself and my husband and everything she needs to do is a mission. Is it because her brother is walking now and she sees him as more of a threat than when he was just a small baby ? Another complication to this is that I am not married to her father and maybe the issue is that she feels "alone" because she is not part of the "tripod" (if you know what I mean). She loves her stepdad and don't see her dad that often. I do not know how to handle her anymore, I must add, she is a very headstrong, confident little girl but she seems to feel insecure at the moment.

read more


Child behaves differently at home than at school

Q:

My son (who turns 4 in December) started playschool in January this year, weeks after he turned three. After an initial week of crying when left at school, he started enjoying and loving school to such an extent that weekends and school holidays do not suit him at all, as he does not get to go to school.

I am told by his teachers (he attends a Montessori School with +/- 18 children in total) that his behaviour is exemplary at all times and that he is a very popular boy at school with all his classmates.

There are two issues that bother me :

1. My son does not speak of/about school at all to me. He does not tell me what he does at school (parents are given an outline of themes discussed etc, thus I am aware of what 'happens' at school). But when I ask him about his day or who he has played with at school, he tells me that he did nothing and played with nobody, which I know is not true. Why would a child who so obviously enjoys school (playgroup - they are only there from 09h00 - 12h00 and not the entire day) be lying about what he does at school?

2. We have a 20-month old daughter and my son is exceptionally aggressive towards her and does not want to share toys or experiences with her. At the same time I am told that he shares with all children (as young as 2.5 yrs) at school. Why would my son be a different little being at school and at home?

read more


Kids with aggressive behaviour towards their moms

Q:

Q. Our daughter is 29 months and going to a small school. Dad travels a lot - I spend most times with her and we have a good relationship. Her behaviour has been normal but this week she started telling her teacher and other kids - mommy is naughty/ugly - Don't know why, I have not done anything to provoke this lie. She also turn aggressive towards me when dad is back home or around us and tells me to go away. How should I handle this because it really hurts me and I don't know what is causing her anger.

read more


Misbehaving at school

Q:

Q. My 4 year old son (turning 5 on 21 August) started at a new pre-school this year. When I took receipt of his mid year report I was extremely pleased at how well he has settled, his behaviour and the wonderful feedback from his teacher. However, the last 2 weeks he apparently has been a terror at school. Blatantly disregarding his teachers instructions, disrupting the class and generally misbehaving. I was, quite frankly, extremely disappointed to get this feedback. His behaviour at home has not changed. He has an older brother who is extremely tolerant and patient with him. I am a single mom, but have an exceptionally good relationship with my ex-husband who does see the boys on a regular basis. Is he perhaps starting to understand this concept? How do I get my son to tell me if there is something bothering him or what avenues do I explore?

read more


Advice about a career in Educational Psychology

Q:

Q. I am currently studying through UNISA, at the time I wanted to pursue a career in teaching, so I registered for the Post Graduate Certificate in Education, one of the requirements is that I take on Psychology 1 and 2, and so I have completed them this year and passed, next year will be my final year for completion of the PGCE. However, I found Psychology very interesting, more specifically Educational Psyhology. I obtained a BA Degree sometime ago, it was difficult to find a good job, so I decided to study teaching, but now I am a bit confused. I am 35 years old and am currently unemployed. Will you please be able to offer any advice about Educational Psychology, how many years of studying is involved and how do I go about it? What steps should I take?

read more


Helping teenagers cope with death

Q:

Q. I have read through your characteristics on behaviour problems in toddlers and teens. I have a 4 yr old son as well as my two sisters in law who are 14 yrs old and 17 yrs living with us. Just recently I lost my little sister who was 5 yrs old and very close to my son, and before that my mother in law passed on as well as her husband who were the parents of my sisters in law. We have had a lot of problems trying to control them as their behaviour is totally out of control; they have lived with everyone in the family and were thrown out due to outrageous behaviour and rudeness. They have been staying with us for over a year now which is the longest they have stayed at any other family member. I am very concerned about my child because whenever my husband (their brother) tries to reprimand them or asks them to not disobey orders, they get into physical fights and the 14 yr old would often chase my husband around the house with a knife uttering the ugliest swear words you can ever imagine. I’m not sure how to remedy the situation and its affecting all our lives, could you help me with some advice please?

read more


Helping your child cope with death of their friend

Q:

Q. My question is in regards to Grief. My 4 year old son's friend passed away couple of weeks ago. We explained to him why she will not be coming to school anymore. A week ago we realised that he has now an imaginary "Savanna" which is the little girl/ friend. He is not sad but will often say she just misses him! Not he miss her. He is in general a very sensitive and loving child. There are also no signs of being sad. He is quite happy having his imaginary Savanna around him. Should we worry about this? 

read more


Sleep problems after loss of a father

Q:

Q. My daughter is 10 months old. When she was 5 months her dad died. She was very much a Daddy's girl. The first couple weeks were hard. She wouldn't go to sleep without him home and him not being there she just wouldn't sleep well. But I laminated some pictures for her to look at and there are pictures of him all around the house still. You can ask her "Where's Daddy?" and she'll smile and point to a picture. The other day though she pointed to the sky. This came out of nowhere. She also drags around one of his socks as like her security blanket. I don't even know where she found it. However, the problem is that now, almost 5 months later, she won't sleep well in her bed. She's been sleeping through the night in her own bed since she was 4 weeks. She waked up now in the middle of the night just screaming at the top of her lungs and the instant I pick her up she falls back asleep on my shoulder. When I try to put her down in the bed she instantly waked up again screaming. I can put her down in my bed and she sleeps fine all night long. At first she only did this about every 2 weeks, but she is starting to do at least a couple times a week. Is there anything I can do to get her to sleep in her own bed again?

read more


Child sucking fingers after the loss of a granny

Q:

Q. My daughter is 5, she never took a dummy as a baby but developed a habit of sucking her middle and ring fingers after my mum's death, she still does this when she is tired, bored or needs to sleep. I am concerned that this might affect her permanent teeth once the come out. Any suggestions of how to stop this? I've tried numerous things to rub on her fingers but none have helped. She also has a problem pronouncing the letter K, it comes out as a T. How do I sort this out?

read more


Three-year old doesn't know colours

Q:

Q. My daughter turned 3 on the 10 Oct. She is on a par in most areas, ahead in others e.g can count to 10, can identify up to 10, add different number sequences up to 10. We have just enrolled her in Kumon Mathematics. However, she still battles with colours and can only identify blue, pink and sometimes yellow. This is concerning me a great deal and I was wondering if you could steer me to activities, books, etc, that I could use to bridge the gap she has.

read more


15 month old son not walking yet

Q:

Q. I hope that you can provide my husband and I with some insight. My son has just turned 15 months. He isn't walking and this is concerning me. He will cruise but won't even attempt to stand by himself. He cruises around on his tip toes and doesn't seem at all confident in his balance. He will hold on to our fingers and walk but not for very long at all. He suffers from epilepsy - do you think this has an effect on his development. I am worried and have been told to take him to an OT if no progress is made within the next month. What is the worst case scenario?

read more


Helping children adjust to two homes

Q:

Q.

How does it affect a child aged 1, 2 & 3 (for example) who must often go to dad & his family for a weekend or another scenario, where mom and the little one are staying for weeks at mom's boyfriends' parents house, but actually they are living in with grandma and grandpa.

read more


My child dislikes my boyfriend

Q:

Q.

I am a single mom. My 5 year old daughter's father has been inconsistent in her life for 2 years now. Due to him getting married tomorrow and he now has a 1 year old little girl with this lady.

I am currently seeing someone, in the beginning she liked him, and even said on an occasion that we should get married. Until one night he reprimanded her to drink a med lemon and she did not like that about him as her stomach was hurting. She now just wants nothing to do with him. We are talking about marriage and he now wants to spend more time with her but she just doesn't want to hear anything about him, we planning a weekend away with her she still does not want to hear anything.

I don’t know which way to turn and find myself between the 2 people I love most. Please advise accordingly. He is also one not to be very affectionate as he is very firm and disciplined as a whole.

read more


Child custody issues after divorce

Q:

Q.

My ex-wife soon after meeting her new boyfriend decided that after getting sole custody of my four children, she chased the eldest one away (now 18yrs old) about eight months ago and then she said she had enough of the other three (ages: twins now 7 and the other aged 11) and I must take them and look after them - this happened at the end September 2009. I am still busy with a large renovation of my house to accommodate all the kids and give them their own bedrooms - because of the ages and there are two girls and one boy + my eldest son.

She now has said that she wants the three younger kids back and she is being very hostile and rude to me when I said to her this is not going to happen. They are not toys and cannot be treated like objects where you give them away and then want them back and then maybe not want them in a few months time.

I would like to know my rights in this regard and if I have any because I don’t think it is in the interests of the children and I would prefer it if I could obtain sole custody of them

read more


Talking to the kids about separation

Q:

Q. I have a question about how to talk to a 4 year old about my husband & my decision to separate. We have kept it quiet up until now but I will be moving with the 4 year old & 1 year old in 2 weeks and need to explain the situation to him. He has obviously picked up the vibes as he has being acting up lately, being defiant, acting like a baby and hanging onto his dad all the time. When and how is the best time to do it? Also I want to take both kids to play therapy to express their emotions, can you recommend anyone in the Edenvale, JHB area?

read more


Discipline techniques for a toddler with tantrums

Q:

Q. Our daughter is 26 months old and she is throwing terrible tantrums lately. How does one manage these tantrums so that she learns discipline?

read more


Does spanking work

Q:

Q. I have a 21 month old son, who does not respond to a spanking. I am a Christian Mommy who believes that spare the rod (wooden spoon) and spoil the child is a biblical principal, OR time out. I handle the discipline with utmost love and we reconcile and "discuss" the incident with love and cuddles afterwards, but still no remorse or change in behaviour! How do I handle him?

read more


Appropriate discipline at nursery school

Q:

Q. My son is 3 years old, he is in a nursery school. I found out they are trying to teach children discipline (punishment) by sending them to the baby class, even going so far by putting them in a cot for a while to teach them that they are not babies. The behaviour is not acceptable for me, but they are stating they obtained the advice from a psychologist, that it is a privilege to be "BIG". I am in a situation that I am not to sure how to handle this. My son is telling me on a regular basis that he is "BIG".

read more


Helping your child adjust to playschool

Q:

Q. I have 2 questions: 1) My daughter is 3 and half years old. She is the 'middle' child between 2 boys (aged 5 and 1). I have just enrolled her at a playschool at the beginning of the term. She is very willing to go but when we are there she doesn't want me to leave. Should I keep her at home till she is 4 (in November)? 2) Sometimes I think that she is insecure because of the close age gaps with the kids. My husband often works evenings and I am left alone to put all 3 to bed at the same time as they are all tired, and I tend to neglect my daughter as her elder brother needs to sleep as he has school and the baby cries for his bottle or something? How do I handle this sleep situation?

read more


Child not adjusting in playschool

Q:

Q. My daughter has just turned 3 on 14 January 2008 and has also started playschool on that day. I made a mistake by letting her stay the whole day on the first day - she was not happy when I picked her up at around 5:45 that evening. She has been crying hysterically for the last 2 days when I drop her off in the morning. Her Granny has been picking her up at 1pm for the past 2 days. She seems fine when she is picked up. She is then dropped off by my mother who has looked after her since she was 3 months. She screams and cries and doesn't want to stay there. She cries out for me. When I call her around 1:30 to say hi, she cries uncontrollably over the telephone which makes me feel ill and very guilty. What should I do? Should I wait 2 weeks to see if she gets used to it. How will I know if she is not ready for this big step? Or ready. Most importantly, will this effect her in the long run? Is she being traumatised by this? What should I do? Please help! I know she needs to move on and she is quite bored being at home with my mom

read more


Obstacles to understanding and following instructions

Q:

Q. My daughter is in a new school doing Grade R. It is an English medium school and she is from a local township crèche. Last term the teacher said she was slow in understanding instructions and completing her tasks and this term she has improved a little but still find it difficult to be fast and complete her tasks. Looking at her I think generally she is a bright girl. Is there a course for concern or should I wait and see how this term goes? Please advise.

read more


Advantages of sending your child to a play school

Q:

Q. My daughter is 18 months old and I am planning on enrolling her in a playschool thrice a week for 2.5hrs? Is that ok? I am a stay at home mom but planning to return to work soon. She is an independent girl and she loves children, but I am not sure if it is too early to put her in a school. plus she gets a cold, running nose quite often so I am not sure how the play school will affect her? Please advise, I am confused.

read more


Adapting to different school methods

Q:

Q. My 2 year old daughter is to start pre-school this year at a Montessori pre-school. I've been warned by other parents that kids from Montessori pre-school struggle to adjust to a normal school system later. Is this true and is there a way I can make the change easier for her?

read more


Ideal age for a child to start pre school

Q:

Q. What is the best age to start pre-school? I am a stay at home Mom and have home help so my son can stay at home as long as it is best for him. He goes to Moms & Tots once a week and we meet friends for play dates on other days. When should I look at sending him to playschool/preschool?

read more


Child not coping with pre-school education structure

Q:

Q. I need to understand the difference between a pre school and a playgroup. My child has a speech delay and we are currently going twice a week for therapy. I'm on a waiting list for the speech school and should find place only next year. He is now 3 and a bit. Last year he was attending a playgroup run by an OT therapist and really settled and had fun. We have now started a pre school with about 23 kids in the classroom. The teacher is sweet but very young and not used to children with delays. I feel that he is not getting the correct attention and perhaps not benefitting 100%. I can go back to the playgroup for this year but not sure it is the correct move. Have discussed with the school to have a child facilitator... My feeling is that children are now put under a lot of pressure to learn early and not just relax and play!! I'm very much undecided. I would love to know your opinion and advice. The child has been assessed and had quite a bit of OT; he does tend to prefer smaller groups and copes with bigger ones as I do the brushing technique.

read more


Baby crying for bottle and dummy through the night

Q:

Q. I have an eight month old baby. She has been on S26 gold ever since I stopped breastfeeding after 1 month of her birth. I find at the moment, that she is refusing to finish her night bottle before she goes to bed. She is only on 4 bottles a day, between 125 - 150ml but the last evening bottle she only drinks between 50 to 100 mls if I am lucky. She has also got into a bad habit of waking up in the evening, crying for a dummy. This normally starts after 1 am and goes on until 4 am. I have tried to offer her bottle, water and she just pushes it away. Please can you give me advice on what to do. Could you also tell me what the difference between S26 gold and the normal S26 formula?

read more


Parenting and grand parenting styles conflict

Q:

Q.

My daughter is 4 and my son almost two. and I’m 16 weeks pregnant (big surprise)
To understand my issue you must understand the size and that we live with 3 generations. Shane, me, children, His mother and step-dad AND Shane gran

  1. I am a fan of positive disciplining. No hidings, shouting, telling child you a princess and if unbehaved - you a witch. but this not successful - my belief is there but not my pull through: I’ll explain why

  2. Dad: Works very hard to provide for us. Has huge stress at work and at home with his whole family depending on him. But - spends almost no time with kids. When he does and Meaghan naughty she will either be left to do what she wants (he never sees here or he too tired - or fights in front of her with me to say how I should take control of the kids) or rushes up to her, smacks her so hard and shouts

  3. Granny same as dad. Hers depends on mood swings and she cant cope with kids anymore as let me be honest - she had her turn with four boys. BUT keeps telling Meaghan she not a princess, going to tell here mommy to not come home, will lock her in room...... or you need help there’s something wrong with you.

So my daughter is always in the line of fire. She now stands and pees where she is as she just doesn’t go pee. She screams and tantrums and crys till she shakes. Everything - the color of her panty brings this on.

To top it when cousins come Meaghan is told why cant she be like her brother or her cousins (5 and 10 ) My answer maybe because Meaghan is her own person and she isn’t 10 yet.

I AM MAD WHILE WRITING THIS. We are hurting her daily and I say we as I am her mother and I just don’t know how to stop this?
I have tried but I come second between the family. I am threatened with welfare and I am a bad mother. Shane and mother get so mad it really becomes ugly.
What to do with people like this. It isn’t about them - It is about my daughter withering away between their ego's and what she feels?

I am contemplating putting routines in place. Follow through myself. Family meeting - give them my routines and say this is law - this is how I want my children to be treated - fairly, respectfully and not one over the other. And for who they are as they are so special in their own way. I have been the worst mother for the last few months. Given into their parenting style and done what they do. But it can’t go on.

I just don’t know how to not step on their toes and make them feel I think I’m the hero and they to blame - they not alone in this - I am responsible too I know
but most importantly how do I get it across that we will not treat her like this.

read more


Nighttime potty training for children

Q:

Q. My son is 3 years and 9 months and has been day potty trained for one year now. He drinks nothing during the night, and we left the bottle when he turned one. Unfortunately, the night time potty training is not going well at all. He refuses to wear a diaper to bed, so I have to slip it on in his sleep. He does not wake up to go to the toilet during the night, but just goes in his diaper. When I try to wake him up during the night to go to the toilet, he gets extremely aggressive and cries and refuses to use the toilet. He has always been, and still is, a bad sleeper and wakes frequently during the night, although he has no naptimes during the day, but he still refuses to go wee in the toilet during the night. When he wakes up in the morning, always with a wet diaper, he takes it off and throws it in the bin, he is very shy about it. How do I go about with the nighttime potty training, as he is turning 4 in only 3 months

read more


Child in grade 1 with reading difficulties

Q:

Q. My niece is in Grade 1 and her teacher has advised my sister that my niece might be kept back this year as her reading is a problem. What can we do? Does she have the right to advise on this?

read more


Effects of being the youngest or oldest in a class

Q:

Q. My daughter (aged 4 1/2) started Grade 00 this year. Her birthday is on the 24th December which makes her the youngest in her class. She is also seeing an OT for Sensory Integration problems. Neither her teacher or the OT has suggested she be kept back but I find that she battled in the first term of school and is now slowly catching up to the other girls. She is also sometimes aggressive to the other girls which the teacher suggests might be because of her feeling inferior. Is it advisable to perhaps keep her back in Grade 0 to stop her battling during the first half of the year? My concern then is that she will be the oldest in Grade 1. Does being the youngest or oldest in a class have a serious impact on children of this age or does the gap lessen over age? Of course she would be assessed before going into grade 1 but this is already very concerning to me.

read more


Separation anxiety in children starting school

Q:

Q. My son, aged 5 is in a daycare and I would like to send my daughter, aged 18 months to daycare starting in September. I am extremely scared as my son threw tantrums for a whole month before he settled in. He only started daycare when he turned four. Should I go ahead and put her in daycare? Please give me advice as she is not a very friendly baby.

read more


Helping your child to sleep alone at night

Q:

Q. My daughter is 4 and she still gets up at night to sleep with us.... she gets up almost the same time every night, some nights she asks for a drink, other nights she just gets into bed to sleep. How can I get her to sleep in her bed for the night.

read more


At what age does a child start talking

Q:

Q. My son turned 2 years old in February. He is not talking yet. At what age is he supposed to talk? He makes his sounds and says ma and babba but no full words or sentences - is this normal? He is rather big for his age and when people see him, they want to know why he does not talk yet.

read more


Strategies for handling a difficult child

Q:

Q. Thank you for all of your great advice and letters. My son is 4yrs old (Nov 2008) and my daughter is 2 yrs old (Oct 2008). She enjoys copying EVERYTHING that he does, whether she understands it or not - which is quite fine and often very amusing. However, the problem arises when he's being naughty, won't obey our instructions and starts throwing a tantrum or becomes VERY difficult to handle or co-operate with. She then does exactly the same - when asked to do the same thing, such as eating or getting dressed. When my wife and I are together it's manageable and we each try to concentrate on one child. However, if I'm at work or if it's my turn and vice-versa - then it's really, really difficult to get them to co-operate. The end result is often messy and a little regretful from all parties involved. We're trying to remain calm and in control but it's often difficult - especially when we've tried several alternatives. They're absolutely awesome kids and we don't want to break their beautiful spirits. Do you have some advise in this regard please?

read more




Categories